Picture: Our Cast of Characters

Ah! The Family Grandiose! Envied by many, yet emulated by few.

Picture: Sir Charles Grandiose

Sir Charles Grandiose

Baronet. Undisputed head of the family. Age: Rude to ask. Education: More than a few of Britain's finest educational establishments. Nickname: Mr. Blinkie [Note from Sir Charles Grandiose: It most certainly is not.]

Picture: Lady Felicia Grandiose

Lady Felicia Grandiose

Indefatiguable matriarch and nonpareil embellisher of opera glasses. Age: Extremely rude to ask. Education: Magna cum laude, Miss Dalyrimple's Finishing College. Notable accomplishments: Winner, Sour Chutney and Prune Preserves Division of the Memoirs of the Raj Chutney Parade, twelve years running.

Picture: Young Penelope Windsor-Smythe

Young Penelope Windsor-Smythe

Eighty-fifth in line for the throne. Age: In the tender blush of youth. Hair: Sun-kissed. Complexion: Flawless. Feet: Delicate. Hands: Graceful and smooth. Notable accomplishments: Eighty-fifth in line for the throne. Most noble trait: Eighty-fifth in line for the throne.

Picture: Chauncey Grandiose

Chauncey Grandiose

Nephew to Sir Charles Grandiose. Heir to Blandsdown. Age: Fervent user of night vanishing creme. Who can tell? Hair: Receding. Former occupation: Female impersonator, Revue des Filles Hot! Hot! Hot! Current occupation: Editor, Milady's Boudoir.

Picture: Augusta Windover-Midden

Augusta Windover-Midden

Step-mother to the Lady Felicia. Object of horror to Sir Charles. Ignored by young Penelope Windsor-Smythe as much as possible. Subject to wind. Age: Older than sin. Moles: Several.

Picture: Colin Bates

Sir Colin Bates

Nee Master Bates. Recent Knight. Engaged to young Penelope Windsor-Smythe. Hair: Sun-kissed. Arms: Masculine, muscular, and with just a hint of manly hair. Chest: Deep. Eyes: Piercing. Occupation: Former blacksmith.

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