What would this column be without letters from the seething
legions of readers who adore the Grandiose family? Certainly
the poorer. Reader, consider leaving your contribution here.
But first, a few questions, asked frequently:
How many of the letters on these pages are from Sir Charles's
readers, and how many are manufactured by his flunkies to create
the illusion of a vast and appreciative audience?
The servants of the Grandiose family fabricate fewer than
one of every twenty letters to the honourable baronet and his
family. If only they could say the same of his Christmas cards.
Even those letters from Mabel and Chatsy and distant Grandiose
friends and family members?
Especially Mabel and the infamous Chatsy and other
assorted hangers-on. If past associates of Sir Charles Grandiose
and members of his extended family choose to write on occasion,
we feel it is our duty to pass them on to the good sir with a
discreet earmarking to denote 'top priority'.
If I write, what are the chances of my letter being included
in a column?
Quite, quite good. Most letters to the family are answered
within two to three weeks. Letters of extreme vulgarity will
probably be tossed for Lady Felicia's spaniels (Pippin and La
Fontaine) to worry to bits.
A quick browse through the library
should give you an idea of the sorts of letters the family enjoys.
I can't use forms. How can I address my mail to the baronet?
Sir Charles Grandiose may be mailed at the following address:
The Lady Felicia and young Penelope Windsor-Smythe receive
mail at the respective addresses: firstname.lastname@example.org
Sir Charles' idiot secretary, if he must be contacted to clear
up pesky 'typos' and such, receives mail at: email@example.com
Write to Sir Charles Grandiose
If you use the form below, all fields must be filled in. Your
identity will not be shared.
Nom de plume?
And your email address?
To whom do you wish to address your missive? (The usual
recipient is Sir Charles himself, although for more delicate
subjects, one may wish to write the Lady Felicia. Young Penelope
Windsor-Smythe, although she is usually attending to those duties
that befit she who is ninetieth in line for the throne, may also
respond, if asked politely and with clean nails.)
One may enter one's letter in the box below. Contrary to what
commoners say, penmanship does count.
In order that we might print the pesky things, all letters and their copyright become the property of Sir Charles' secretary. [Note from
Sir Charles Grandiose: And what a frightening concept that